Can you believe he picked a NON-Thomas shirt to wear? He and Daddy got off on the wrong foot this morning. So Aidan picked his Mechanic T-shirt to wear. This was Aidan's way of trying to tell Daddy, "I just like you and want to be like you." Soon, after I translated for him, Aidan was happily sitting next to Dad while he read his favorite books to him. Ahhh, peace.I've done a couple posts about the incentives I use for Aidan, and mentioned once, using Love & Logic ideas. The two don't go hand-in-hand if you read all the Love & Logic stuff. Their take on incentives is that it's pretty much bribery and therefore impossible to maintain and ineffective. Many L&L's ideas ring true with me, but this one, for some reason unknown to me until lately, bugged me. I agree with giving your child choices within boundaries. I agree with helping them learn that you shouldn't do such and such because it infringes on someone else. I agree with quick and simple consequences for poor choices. And much of it is very effective and goes right along with our gospel principles. So the consequences, boundaries, and true love and empathy I'm totally on board with.
But then, I still found myself wanting to reward in a very tangible way. So though it was "against" the philosophy I'd felt so good about adopting, I added it. As it turns out, it is a great blend.
We've had not just days, but weeks and months, of my boys being expected to perform in ways the average child never experiences. It puts stress on them that they find very difficult to handle. The incentives have, in a real sense, saved my rear with Aidan. He has so had it with the evals. Nothing was getting done. So I took a Thomas book that I knew he'd love, to the appt. He had to earn it by cooperating. It worked. We got 5 tests done. In the back of my mind, I felt a little guilty. That whole "bribing" word popped into my brain. I was informed by the therapist that it's, "Not bribing at all. It's reinforcing positive behavior." It took a bit for that to really sink in for me. So here I am, continuing to use two methods that are supposedly "oil and water." And here's why:
Aidan's thrilled to just see those blasted stickers on the wall at night. And he understands that if he continues earning the tiny rewards, he will get an even bigger reward later. Isn't that the plan of salvation in really really simple terms? You have choices everywhere you turn. If you choose the right, you have small, sometimes almost unnoticeable rewards. Some days you plain screw up. But tomorrow you choose again, and with repentance, you can change your course to choose the right. And if you continue choosing righteously, your rewards become larger, until your reward is the best one ever.
But then, I still found myself wanting to reward in a very tangible way. So though it was "against" the philosophy I'd felt so good about adopting, I added it. As it turns out, it is a great blend. We've had not just days, but weeks and months, of my boys being expected to perform in ways the average child never experiences. It puts stress on them that they find very difficult to handle. The incentives have, in a real sense, saved my rear with Aidan. He has so had it with the evals. Nothing was getting done. So I took a Thomas book that I knew he'd love, to the appt. He had to earn it by cooperating. It worked. We got 5 tests done. In the back of my mind, I felt a little guilty. That whole "bribing" word popped into my brain. I was informed by the therapist that it's, "Not bribing at all. It's reinforcing positive behavior." It took a bit for that to really sink in for me. So here I am, continuing to use two methods that are supposedly "oil and water." And here's why:
Aidan's thrilled to just see those blasted stickers on the wall at night. And he understands that if he continues earning the tiny rewards, he will get an even bigger reward later. Isn't that the plan of salvation in really really simple terms? You have choices everywhere you turn. If you choose the right, you have small, sometimes almost unnoticeable rewards. Some days you plain screw up. But tomorrow you choose again, and with repentance, you can change your course to choose the right. And if you continue choosing righteously, your rewards become larger, until your reward is the best one ever.
1 comment:
Yay! Atleast you were able to get some tests done.. and 5 that is so great.. I hope your doing well.
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