Aidan

Aidan's memory is fading pretty rapidly right now.  Just months ago I noticed his long term memory was gone.  Now his short term memory is disappearing fast as well.

His eye dilating (which originally I'd been told was his complex partial seizures) has increased significantly.

Tonight he had a fairly long absence seizure right after dinner. Usually they last under a minute and cluster.  When things get bad they last longer.  Tonight he had one last 4 minutes.  Okay, that's starting to scare me. 

5 mins is Status.

Then all of a sudden, in a lucid moment, Aidan looked up at me with a distressed expression and said, "I'm on 6 meds, just like how old I am, 6."

Often I've thought it would have been better to have had these boys when I was younger because my health was much better and I could handle things physically I can't now.

But tonight, I understand why I was meant to have them later.

In my twenties, Aidan saying that to me would have sent me into hysterics or something equally annoying, I think.

At closer to 40, it just puts a gigantic lump in my throat and runs large tears down my cheeks.

I hope he knows how much I love him.