Before I stopped driving (by choice, until we can obtain medical help for my symptoms) whenever I heard a particular song on the radio, I would immediately tear up. No matter where I was headed at the time.
It's about having faith and hope in our Heavenly Father even if the trails continue to rage.
It gives specific reference to healing and unfulfilled dreams.
People might think I would tear up because of what our daily life is like with the boys and the untreatable part. Or because of the relentless, never ending care. Or maybe even because of my own health and lack of medical treatment.
The last few days I've been working on going through the basement boxes, purging. We are getting ready to finish a room for the boys to have therapy in, and to play safely in. Sorting their saved clothes has been an interesting reminder of the chaos we endured for years, being forced to move repeatedly. All while searching for answers and help for the boys many medical issues. As an example of the chaos it created- I have something like 6 little man jackets in the same size... this because I wasn't able to find the ones already purchased. Extra expense, extra work, extra worry. I'll admit it, there were so many days during those times that I thought I couldn't take another step. The overwhelming-ness of it all was so heavy. Mostly, because it's all been so isolating. The builder for the wonderful house we live in obviously "got it" at least partially, when he teased once, "They let you out?" having run into me at a store.
Those are part of why I do. The other reason, the bigger reason?
The things I'm unable to do, that I've dreamed of for years. I see other people doing amazing fundraising efforts for others, or running a not for profit that benefits countless people in their communities... and I'm jealous. I would LOVE to be in the middle of that sort of chaos. They are living my biggest hearts desire. Being in a position to help others in that capacity requires time, lots of friends and contacts, and really resourceful talents. Each are things that I no longer possess. I hadn't ever thought of it as jealousy, but as I type it out, I guess it is. I can find no other way to verbalize it.
It started when we got married. We had friends that would go for drives in really ritzy neighborhoods and dream about being able to buy such a house with the boat and mobile home and bmws or porsches. We would go for drives out in the country and dream about the cool things we could secretly do for others if we had that much money. Like helping people pay off their mortgage or hospital debts. Or providing needed equipment for in home medical care. Or emergency items for hospital patients.
We had no idea that we'd be on the end of needing those things.
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