Dr Appts galore

Back when I first found out a tiny bit of what was happening to the boys, and was told they needed therapy, I thought it was a temporary thing.  I thought it was to catch them back up.

Then things became clear it wouldn't stop, but I still had no idea what was in store.

I've even all said that ^^ before.  

And I said this then too- holy cow this is insane.

Now I find myself with more appts than my phone can even keep track of- it just goobers it all up.

There's no room on a conventional calendar, I have to have one of those gigantic ugly things that costs too much for paper just because it's so large.  Dry erase won't work because I have to keep track of what happened already.  And I also have Jace and Damon, who would erase it in a heartbeat to draw a monster or sun or birthday cake.

And every time I think we might get a lull, it increases again.

This isn't for lack of trying to chill it out on my part.  I've tried cutting some specialists out several times, but told they must remain in the mix by their pediatrician and neuro- the two most important.  

Okay, y'all, but you're killing me here. ;)

So I've decided we need a break.  

I don't know when or how, but we are taking at least a week off from all Dr and therapy appts and just be.

I might have to confiscate my husband's phone to accomplish part of it.

I know people think I'm crazy for taking the boys back to the neuro I can't stand.

She knows I "hate" her. (Her words, not mine.) I don't really hate her, I just know all the meanness and intrusion and wild assumptions aren't necessary, and especially not helpful... In fact they are down right pernicious.

But I need a neuro that researches and acts.  Not an apathetic child cow herder.

With this change, has come some realizations that are really difficult to accept.

I've been a bit quiet on here about my own health, other than saying I had to go ahead have testing done... at least I think I said so.  Well, there was a whole lot of testing and expense, to have very few answers.

So my symptoms remain and leave me unable to do a lot of normal things that I look like I should be able to do.  I get a lot of flack for it, actually.  Some think I'm just being lazy.  State workers are the worst for this, and the boys new-old neuro would be a close second.  She even threatened me that if I didn't "get those boys under control they'll be placed with someone who can."  This after calling Aidan a "brat."  Only the tip of the iceberg, she's just plain nasty to people... no one who has come in with me has left without her telling them off too...  And frankly, she's dead wrong about discipline.
Controlling children does not foster them learning to control themselves.  Adults controlling THEMSELVES is what leads children to learn self mastery.  It's really hard, but it's the only true way to help them achieve it, while keeping their individual awesome attributes and self worth in tact.
State workers give me the run around with the boys' services and are just as mean, with comments like, "So you are telling me you can't complete such a small task on your own?!" with major condescension in their voice.  Anyway, the very people who should be understanding of disabilities and how they effect daily tasks, are quite the opposite.  I keep hearing this is because of the "real lazy ones," I've yet to see with my own eyes.  Others, want to help... but I have such a hard time asking for it because of the previously mentioned ones.  And because I really desire to do it myself.

Then there's the issue of how do I deal with the meanness without it crushing me and the boys??? It's getting so frequent with all these appts, that I'm finding myself second guessing everything I do and say as I parent.
Not healthy.
Of course self checking is necessary and needed.  Even taking loving criticism/nudges in the right direction.
But this is not done in a loving caring spirit at all.  It's hate filled.

Which brings me back to the needing a break part. lol