My Aidan

Okay, I know he's not really mine.  Yet he still is for now... my responsibility at least.  

I should be doing one of the unreal amount of things on my list (all important, and for the boys needs) but I'm realizing that I also need to document this.

Ever since Aidan was born, I've had nightmares about losing him.  I know probably every mom goes through this.  But these are very graphic, horrific nightmares, all with one thing in common... almost all of the long nightmare, until I can't stand it anymore and wake, is about fighting frantically to recover Aidan.

I'm just beginning to understand how true to life this is.

I have fought and fought for the help he needs to function daily, for his burden to lighten as much as possible. And ultimately, to stay with us here, just a little longer... however long I can get.

It's not just for Aidan, but for Jace and Damon as well.  Things are still unknown with them.  I really don't know yet what we are dealing with other than significant neurological disabilities with all three boys.  But with Aidan there is now more info that clarifies things a bit.

As I watched Jace's burnt hand heal so dramatically this past three weeks, and watched Aidan improve and regress and improve again... I see tremendous blessings coming from a merciful Father... and I see a very difficult road ahead that I frankly feel so inadequate... meager... puny for.

Constant criticism coming from several sources adds to that heavy weight daily.

I wish I could plead with those who think I'm stupid or odd, to look at themselves instead of me... it would surely keep them busy for a long time, as my own needs for improvement keep me busy.
But even more, so heartbreakingly... to not be so quick to judge or criticize Aidan, his brothers, or disabled people in general.
His disabilities aren't really him, they are what he's been given to help those around him grow, if they are smart enough to see that.