Mothers Day 2016

I'm not going to sugar coat it.

Every year, holidays are difficult without all my boys.

It doesn't get easier as time goes by, that's a lie. I may have changed, and even some circumstances may have changed. But I still get slammed with triggers that take my breathe away and bring on the tears, sometimes even sobbing. I refuse to ignore and stuff those feelings. It's not healthy, and it allows others to dictate my actions. I am typically not one to take bad advice. I don't wallow in it either though. I do my best to focus on service in their names, and to focus on my family still here. 

I have been blessed with the sweetest family. Both my family I grew up with, and my own family. I am grateful for them everyday. 

The hyperbaric treatments did damage to my inner ears, so I had to have ear tubes put in to continue treatments. My hearing has taken a beating, and I'm super swollen around my ears. Hoping that will reverse soon. I kinda like my hearing and non-swollen face. The treatments also cause major jet lag. So I am a zombie afterward. I pray it will all be worth it. The others in there are elderly people. I'm the odd one out, being under the age of 65. hahaha The movies they pick are so boring. I picked Pirates of the Caribbean and I don't think it was appreciated. lol

Our 15th anniversary was earlier this week, and Lincoln planted a peach tree for me. I'm so excited about our orchard in the backyard, and ornamental trees in the front. Seeing them bloom and grow is fun. We also have arborvitaes and pine trees lining the south side of the property, and one lone pine tree on the north. Each year I plan to add more. 

Lincoln worked really hard getting a drip system put in for the backyard trees.  He's been working so hard this year to keep things going while I'm sick. I'm grateful for his willingness and effort.

The boys have earned back their iPads. It took them twice as much time, but they've done it. I've been really strict with what I consider earning the day's coin towards it. Sometimes I feel bad because I know their behavior isn't just that, but because they are struggling physically and mentally. But it's better this way, as difficult as it is for them.

School has been going well with them. I'm grateful to be back into a routine with it. Jace is struggling to understand certain concepts, but we will keep at it. 

Their health is crappy, but that's not surprising. It just proves hospice shouldn't have been dropped... wow the headaches we've been put through to keep Jace's medical equipment and now even his medications are being disputed!

On Mothers Day I ache for Aidan and Clayton. But I'm grateful I still have Jace and Damon with us. They bless us everyday. I'm grateful for my own mother, who has always been here for me, even if not nearby, she is only a phone call away. She brings me comfort and support in ways no one else can. She understands me. She understands my boys. I love her with all my heart.

The boys needed some time outside, and we needed to get the flowers planted before they died on us. So today we let them help us work in the yard. Lincoln planted my mother's day flowers (a lot) and we planted the boys' flowering bushes. Slowly but surely we will have the yard we'd promised Aidan... and is now the promise to his brothers. After everyone had gotten way too hot, we loaded the boys into the burb and went for fountain sodas and out to the cemetery. Even though I was beyond beat, we had bath time once home again. I love my fresh smelling kiddos. :) I sure am grateful to be their mom.